The twists and turns of January

Three things I loved and one I didn’t.

Photo by Susanne Jutzeler

I don’t know about you, but between the weather and work, January gave me some serious whiplash. However, before we head into February in earnest, I’d like to share some news from the past few weeks, including three things I loved and one I didn’t.

And I want to hear from you too. So be sure and leave a comment! 

Highlights! :) 

Exploring cult behavior. 

You’re probably thinking, how can cult behavior be considered a highlight? Oh, I’m glad you asked.

This month I read —or maybe gulped down—Amanda Montell’s book Cultish: The Language of Fanaticism. The author is a researcher and linguist whose father escaped a cult back in the 70s. 

The book delivers a fascinating look at cults, cultish behavior and the language of cults. No one is safe from her scrutiny!

From Soul Cycle, MLMs to Scientology, Montell explores the difference between unethical cults (the deceptive types that omit or distort the truth and make it difficult to leave) and those that are ethical (upfront about their beliefs, expectations and the ability to leave with few, if any, negative consequences). Naturally, language is essential to effective cults. 

Montell writes:

“…with a glimmer of willingness, language can do so much to squash independent thinking, obscure truths, encourage confirmation bias and emotionally charge experiences such that no other way of life seems possible.” 

One thing she addresses is something she calls “love bombing.” Have you ever experienced one of those situations where someone wants you to be part of their program or buy their products so they pretend to be your bestie? 

They’re so nice and say the sweetest things—you’ve got so much in common— and you can’t wait to get together for coffee. But then the minute you politely decline their offer, they drop you like last week’s smelly leftovers. It can hurt if you aren’t aware of what just happened.

Admittedly, there were some moments I got a little uncomfortable while reading and took some time to examine my own behaviors, especially when she talked about some of the New Age influencers and the language they use to bring people into their orbit.

Fortunately, I’ve become enough of a skeptic in my old age that the New Age people I do spend time with aren’t of this shadier ilk. 

Here’s the review I posted about the book on Goodreads and Amazon:

An excellent and somewhat alarming read when you consider how easy it can be to get drawn in by innocent-sounding rhetoric during a time when so many people are seeking connections, a sense of belonging and healthy community. This fascinating and timely book underscores the need for us to be critical thinkers. 

Cultish is a must-read in a day and age when we are bombarded with an overwhelming amount of information—much of it garbage—along with oily influencers and shady thought leaders. 

I also appreciated Montell’s pragmatism and sense of humor, including her explanation around the differences between a dangerous cult and a community that engages in cultish but overall harmless behavior. 

Speaking of community and connection that’s only mildly cultish…

Looking for “Oola.”

In mid-January, I attended the Semi-Annual Wellness Consortium event put on by Small Changes, Big Shifts, one of the many brainchildren of holistic wellness champion Dr. Michelle Robin. 

The featured presenter was Dave Braun, DC, co-founder of the Oola Movement and co-author of the book Oola: Find Balance in an Unbalanced World. 

To be honest I went into this presentation feeling a little put off by the subject title. The word “balance” has become such a charged word these days bordering on cringe. What is balance anyway? It seems like a false promise and a forever elusive goal.

Setting my misgivings aside, I was blown away by Dave’s presentation. His life story, including his grief journey, was incredibly moving.

Especially memorable was the exercise he had us do. We  each anonymously filled out a yes/no questionnaire answering questions like:

• Do you struggle with anxiety/depression?

• Have you ever suffered abuse?

• Do you feel lonely?

• Have you ever filed for bankruptcy?

• Do you sometimes think about ending it all?

He then had us fold up the paper and it got passed around the room multiple times so you had no idea whose paper you ended up with. He then went through each question and people stood up if they had a yes next to that question. 

There were nearly 250 health and wellness providers and vendors there that night. When he came to the question of those who answered yes to anxiety/depression, roughly 75% of the room stood up. 

About two-thirds of the room stood up when he came to the question about suffering from abuse. 

About half stood up when he asked about loneliness. 

A handful stood up when it came to the suicide question. (If you are considering suicide, please call the suicide prevention hotline.)

Health and wellness providers are some of the most empathetic and generous people I know. That’s what makes them so gifted at what they do. It hurts my heart to know some feel unseen, lonely and depressed. 

There’s so much we’re being asked to do as business owners, but protecting our health and wellness is paramount if we’re going to live our missions.

Shedding a light on these issues and creating conversation and community with each other has never been more important to our well-being, which brings me to the next item on my list.

Hidden Conversations book signing.

A good friend of mine invited me to attend Michele Norris’s book signing sponsored by Rainy Day Books at the Unity Temple on the Kansas City Plaza last week. 

Norris is an award-winning journalist and former host of NPR’s All Things Considered. She has a new book out full of moving stories and photography called Hidden Conversations: What Americans Really Think About Race and Identity. 

While researching the book, she did a postcard project called The Race Card Project and asked people to mail in six words about what race and identity meant to them. (She’s since moved the project to a website.) She then reached out to some of the respondents, asking them if they would expand on what they wrote. People of all backgrounds, identities and races shared their stories.

These are conversations so many of us are afraid to have because we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings by saying or asking the wrong thing. But it’s our ignorance and hidden biases that continue to get in the way of our ability to truly connect and understand different points of view. 

That night we heard stories from audience members too. There was one postcard that read “Lady I don’t want your purse.” Norris dug into this one a bit and asked us if we’d ever experienced people pulling their personal items closer to them when we got on an elevator with them. Nearly every person of color in the room raised their hand.  

One Black gentleman stood up and talked about how back in the 70s he was a university student and the first in his family to attend college. He described how proud he was carrying his stack of textbooks down the street until a Caucasian woman who was about to pass him on the sidewalk clutched her purse close to her chest and walked in the middle of the street to avoid passing him. He said it was like a gut punch, and he added with a bit of humor, “My hands were full with my books. Did she think I was going to drop everything to make a grab for her purse?” 

The event gave me plenty to think about— and some new reading material.

Lowlight :(

Hives.

The one thing that was a real downer for me this past month was getting a chronic case of hives.

My dermatologist’s nurse thought it was related to my “change of life.” I was both irritated and amused by her choice of words. (So maybe she’s right.) At any rate, it’s been an uncomfortable few weeks living in my skin.

Your turn!

What’s been inspiring—or troubling— you lately? What books/podcasts are you recommending? What’s going well? What isn’t? I’d love to hear from you.